


I Didn't See An End

by marvelslittleshits



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Scientist suck at talking about feelings, Suicide Attempt, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 14:56:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10337104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelslittleshits/pseuds/marvelslittleshits
Summary: Tony can't see an end to the nightmares and he remembers Bruce's words:“I didn't see an end, so I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spit it out."For him there would be no other guy, there would only be quiet. Now if only he could just pull the trigger.





	

_“In case you needed to kill me but you can’t! I tried! I got low. I didn’t see an end.”_

It was funny how staring at the barrel of a gun brought back so many memories of his past. Tony always wondered why New York was the experience that finally gave him nightmares. What about the beginning of his Ironman journey? Being held captive at gun point with his own weapons. It was more of an eye opening experience but also...the beginning of his overwhelming need for a distraction. 

Now, everything was gone and he still felt the weight of all of it on his shoulders. Tony began to sleep for days. He would wake up and not be able to guess the date. At first, he figured it was his mind trying to make up for all the sleepless nights before but that theory ended as soon as he found himself not wanting to do much else. Sleeping became his escape. Waking up was like the bad hangover. 

Tony was in his bed just as he was thinking. His finger was on the safety wondering... He thought too much. He flicked the safety off and felt a lump rise in his throat. “J.A.R.V.I.S, who’s on this floor?” 

“Dr. Banner is in the lab, sir.” 

Bruce. Tony shook his head. It wasn’t his place to bother him. Any of the Avengers would be fine without him. Cap was leading them now and Tony had enough brains to see that Rogers was the better leader. If they needed another Ironman...he knew a red-head who could no doubt fill his shoes. They’d long since parted ways however but he made sure Pepper kept the suit he made for her. Tony didn’t deserve her really. She was perfect and he was...he was broken. Tony Stark felt more useless than he ever had in his life. He wasn’t an idiot though. He knew if he pulled the trigger, people would miss him. People would cry and mourn, but like every other time tragedy struck, people would move on. They’d realize they’re better off without him.

The click of the bullet loading into the pistol matched with the spike in his heart rate. The adrenaline was kicking in now. That natural fear of death that Tony was sure everyone had. He wasn’t exactly a junkie of the feeling but it did help. He finally felt something other than tired. Just a nice burst of energy before he could finally sleep and not wake up. 

Tony raised the gun and remember the last time he was sure he wouldn’t make it. There wasn’t anyone to call now. No hero call. He wasn’t a hero anymore. He--

Dammit. Did he ever stop thinking?

No. More. Pull the Trigger. 

Pull the--

“No!” The gun went off but there wasn’t any pain. Tony opened his eyes to realize he was pinned down. The man on top of him was Bruce. His gun was still in his hand with a hole in the far wall. Tony could speak and he couldn’t look at the doctor. 

“Tony. Drop. The gun.”

He obeyed and let it fall to the ground. 

His former self might had made an ill timed joke about this. Though this Tony focused on not meeting Bruce’s eyes. The doctor quickly noticed and yanked his chin up forcing Tony to look at him. Banner was a mess. His eyes were turning a distinct green, glasses at the very end of his nose. It took Tony a moment to notice there were tears in the man’s eyes. Tony opened his mouth to say something but nothing would come to mind. It was Bruce who finally looked away. 

“J.A.R.V.I.S. call the police.” Bruce broke the silence but stayed still. 

“Sir, I have been informed to ignore all outside requests besides--”

“Call the goddamn police,” Banner growled. 

“Calling, sir.”

“Thank you.” 

\---

_“I didn't see an end, so I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spit it out. So I moved on. I focused on helping other people.”_

Bruce began to wonder if it was his fault. He remember the look in Tony’s eyes when he admitted a dark secret to his past. It was probably the most innocent look Stark had ever given in his life. Bruce could see he didn’t understand wanting to take your own life. He didn’t know the feeling. A feeling, that Bruce wouldn’t wish on anyone. And now Tony was in a hospital bed. It was a place Bruce probably would have gone if it weren’t for his ...other guy. Bruce had to fight his demons on his own. He had to learn the worth of his life. He didn’t have anyone supporting him in the stands. Bruce was sure if he tried hard enough, there could be a way to take his own life. Although, he wasn’t ever going to research that option. Instead he made himself search for a way to redeem the monster he created. He tried to find his inner peace. 

He was going to help Tony do the same. There wasn’t any way around it. 

Tony Stark. The first person he’d actually made friends with in nearly a decade. The man was someone hard not to care for. The man was also just that. A man. So easily wiped off the Earth. Bruce would be damned if he’d let that happen by Stark’s own hand. 

Banner open the door marked with a simple number. He didn’t bother to knock. The scientist was probably asleep. 

Bruce walked in and sat down in a chair. He took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Brucie?” Tony mumbled his face against the pillow.

“Hmm?” Bruce looked up trying to hide the anguish on his face. He’d had a few close calls the past few days. Hiding in the corner of the Hulk-safe room as he shook trying to fight. Pepper always stood there trying to look like she wasn’t exactly keeping an eye on him but tidying Tony’s lab. Though she wouldn’t bother to continue once Bruce opened the door. He’d let her hug him and they’d end up crying some. Neither of them could really say much. 

“You know...they don’t serve any alcohol here?” he said turning to face Bruce. 

Bruce chuckled. “I’m pretty sure that’s the point, Tony.” 

“When have I ever been an alcoholic?” he asked with a smirk.

At that, Bruce laughed and Tony joined softly. Something about it made Bruce able to smile for the first time in a while. Tony laid a hand over his own eyes and groaned. 

“I have the worst headache. Like a decade full of hangovers coming back to bite me in the ass.” 

Bruce just nodded with a sympathetic look. 

“I feel old too. Like my dear old son stuck me in a nursing home. The food here is awful,” he continued sitting up. 

“Well, you--”

“You aren’t going to say I’m actually kinda old are you? Because if you were then... Don’t say that. I’m not old. I just feel old.”

Bruce smirked and opened his mouth to say something but was cut off yet again.

“And I don’t want any of this, ‘Well, you dug your own grave, Stark.’ Honestly, you’d think if this place was known for celebrity rehab, they’d have better food,” he complained some more.

“Tony,” Bruce said. 

“What?” 

“I wasn’t going to say any of that.”

“Yea, well...you were thinking it.”

“Putting you telepathy senses aside, I just wanted to talk to you about what happened,” Bruce said carefully.

The man fell silent almost laying back down but thinking better of it. He took the doctor’s words to explain himself. They’d been swirling around in his head since arriving here. “I didn’t see an end so I put a bullet in my mouth....tried to anyway.” 

Bruce took a deep breath. “But you didn’t. And now you’re here.”

“Am I supposed to go out and help people now? I did that. I was Ironman. I saved people and fought bad guys. Now I’m just... Tony Stark. The scientist...the wealthy scientist--who could really go for a ribeye steak right about now,” he said loudly. Tony soon regretted it and covered his eyes again. 

“No, you’re supposed to help yourself. I went out and helped people because it was... a form of redemption. I needed to fix my mistakes. I needed the satisfaction of helping others. I needed to know that I could do more than slaughter innocent people. That’s what--That’s how I found my worth. You need to find yours.”

“What worth? What would the world be without me? Short one less billionaire? One less person to follow around and wait ‘til they break to put it on the news?”

“Do you remember during the attack on New York--”

“I don’t want to talk about that,” Tony snapped. 

“Listen to me, Tony. You said something to me. You said there was a reason--”

“I said I don’t--”

“A reason--”

“Stop! Why are you doing this? Why are you even here, Bruce? I can’t imagine the stress this is putting on you. Why risk it to just try to talk me down off the ledge? What if I want to jump?”

“You can’t.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because--Dammit, Tony. For the first time in nearly ten years I love somebody. I actually care about them exclusively. So much so that it just,” Bruce stopped, knowing he needed to calm down.

“What are you talking about?” Tony reached out for Bruce as the doctor turned away.

Bruce laughed dryly, his shoulders tensing. “For a man with textbook narcissism, you sure are dense.” 

“Bruce--wait, you read that file?” 

Bruce nodded. 

“Yeah, I thought it was a little much but--you know what,” he closed his mouth and pulled Banner into a hug. “I get it. I’m sorry.”

Bruce relaxed slowly and hugged him back. A silent sign of forgiveness. 

“Hey, I love you too. You and the big guy. I mean...both of you saved my ass more than once. Even if--I guess, I just need… to,” he faded off.

“Shut up?” 

“There it is--I mean,” he covered his mouth and giggled something close to resembling a child. 

Bruce pushed up his glasses and sighed. “I was only kidding.”

“Oh good, because I’m not sure I can physically do that.” 

Bruce smiled and for once, was certain things would indeed get better. Maybe this time, he’d even get what he wanted.


End file.
